None of these things genuinely compliment each other in my life. Period. Blog post over.
Just kidding, I have plenty more to say and I will try my best to be brief.
I mentioned in a previous posts, my children do not sleep. They are broken. I would return them to the hospital, but we cut off the tags when we got home so we have to keep them. From the moment I learned I was pregnant with my first, I laid awake in bed all night, my head spinning with new anxious and exciting thoughts. Little did I know that four years later and I would never know a restful night again.
Baby Number One. Harrison.
This child resisted sleep so much. He was a fussy baby that required hours of bouncing, swaddling, shushing, and pacifying to get him to sleep. This was for naps and sleeping at night. I think the discs in my back have been forever ruined by the hours bouncing and rocking on a stability ball. Sleep when baby sleeps, says all the mommy sites. Fuck that. My baby would wake the minute I stopped gyrating to take a drink of water. I remember thinking, this can’t possibly get worse, right? And then it did.
We eventually moved a mattress into the nursery to sleep in shifts next to the crib so one of us could get at least a four hour stretch of sleep without anxiously listening to a monitor. My nights were punctuated with nursing a baby every 45 minutes in hopes I would get a 30 minute stretch in return. It was awful.
When Harrison was 10 months old, I found out I was pregnant with our second child, Amelia. I vividly remember laying on that mattress on the floor realizing I could be in this same spot 8 months from now, but giant pregnant. I hit a wall. We hired a sleep consultant, more like my therapist, and she walked us through some gentle ways to get Harrison to sleep on his own through the night. I ended up night weaning him and my husband did all the soothing of Harrison for about a three week stretch. The night before Harrison turned one, he slept through the night.
Baby Number Two. Amelia.
She had us fooled! We brought her home and this baby slept all the time. Is this normal? I was freaked out. I laid her down and she would just sleep. Anywhere. I took naps. She was sleeping for 6-8 hours at night. It was glorious. In fact, I had enough energy to go for runs with Harrison in the stroller at night.
Then, around four months the party was over. She was waking frequently through the night and having difficulty getting back down. We tried bringing her to bed with us, but she just woke up more wanting to party and play with us at 2am.
She’s 7 months old now and not much has changed. We have good nights and bad nights. Last night was awful. I was awake with her at 10:20pm, 12:15am, 1:57 am, 3:20am, 4:30am, and the princess finally was up at 7:15am.
And this my friends, is why I’m running on empty most days. After battling sleep for four years of my life and sharing my body (through pregnancy and nursing) with my tiny little humans, it’s hard to find time to give back to myself. This why friendships, exercise, running, and sense of humor have fallen to the wayside as I mostly feel like I’m in survival mode. It’s a lot to be up against. I’m not searching for solutions, words of wisdom, or advice. Just bring me a cup of coffee instead.
I promise you I do love my children and they are not just nocturnal animals that rule my life. They are pretty amazing, adorable, hilarious, and it’s been rewarding to watch them grow into their little personalities. That’s why this whole mom stuff is equal parts rewarding and challenging in every way. I also have an incredible partner that sends me to bed early while doing all the chores. He’s a hands on dad all the way and I couldn’t ask for more.
THE GOOD NEWS
I did run this weekend and I felt pretty great! I ran on the treadmill and did some fartleks (5 x :30 sec at 9:30min/pace) and completed two miles. I finished my workout with some planks (3 x :30 sec front and side planks ). Next up, I’m looking for a good myrtl routine to strengthen up those hips.